supermassive quasar

My mind this morning is being soundly fueled by the dreams I've been having since I first awoke at around 7 and returned to REM sleep's misleadingly warm bosom. Now, the usual morning dreams of mine are rather thinly-veiled interpretations of my own struggle to get out of bed after I've already seen that it's morning, and thus typically involve a great need to complete some task or obstacle quickly coupled with my own sudden and questionable inability to do so (zum Beispiel, last Friday morning I dreamt I had to run down the stairs of a high-rise skyscraper in Tokyo to escape the damage that would be done by three swifty-approaching fluffy-white cumulus tornadoes, but my legs started to seize up and therefore the whole thing was an annoyingly sisyphean ordeal). Nevertheless, my dreams this morning seemed drawn more literally from my life, mostly rising from thoughts of my first year with Twinhead just beginning. Now, the dreams themselves were rather mundane, not in the boring sense, but rather in the realistic, a realism involving such a sense of people, place, and event that dreams typically lack, this particular dream taking place in Twinhead HQ at the Newton place and really just attaching itself to the reality of our meeting last night. Now, the normality is obviously not what led to the shift in my usual thoughts this morning; it was how the dreams felt, the emotional ambience that swelled my entire fucking mind and soul with notions of permanence and fulfillment, the likes of which I've never felt so strongly, especially in the past five years wherein I've called home places ranging from the back seat of my car to actual residential neighborhoods, and well, it's not exactly often that anyone in their 20s feels fulfillment with living situations, money, jobs, relationships, or anything of the sort, really, so these emotional states were both extremely foreign and unexpectedly comfortable.

Really, it seems rather stupid to even be expressing all of this. Ever since I started working with Twinhead, being involved with something where I was given unadulterated opportunity to have a voice that could actually be heard; to be a part of not only local theatre, but of the community itself; to be an actor, a writer, a director, to be creative, and be welcomed for it; it's been quite the lucid realisation that this is exactly what I need to be doing with my life. It's unquestionable, and yet I feel even more surety after a mundane morning dream.

I may be underpaid at my boring day job, and my closest friends may live across state lines, and I may fall short of my own expectations sometimes, but I am fucking doing exactly what I want with my life, and I've never been so happy about anything.